Navigating Loss of Sexual Desire

Pop culture and social media are dripping with sexual content. In real life, well, results may vary. Not everyone is feeling the lust and passion they’re expecting to embody. If that’s anyone’s sincere choice, it is to be respected. However, if you’ve lost sexual desire and are not happy about it, you’re not alone.

This is not a topic most folks will want to discuss in public, but the issue may not go away on its own. Therefore, let’s push back the superficial angles of romantic comedy and social media influencers to take an honest look at what a loss of sexual means and how to deal with it.

First of All, What Does “Loss of Sexual Desire” Mean?

When you’re in a relationship, you and your partner get to decide what the concept of “having sex" means. You also choose the frequency of such intimacy. In other words, when gauging your loss of sexual desire, there is no value in doing so by using external measures. Using your standards, you can accurately discern whether something has changed. If so, there are some very common causes for this. For example:

• General stress levels (especially if it’s related to marital issues)

• Time constraints created by work hours, raising kids, and more

• Physical and/or mental health problems

• Financial strife

• Side effects from a medication you’re taking

• Mismatched libidos

With the rise of internet pornography, many people have internalized some unhealthy perceptions about sex and intimacy. However, a stark reality remains. No two people experience sex, desire sex, or perceive sex in the same way.

In the beginning, passion and lust carry the day. Over time, differences emerge. This is where you must shrug off imposed expectations and begin communicating in a radically honest manner.

How to Navigate a Loss of Sexual Desire

First and foremost, you’ll want to rule out any related medical concerns. There are a wide range of conditions that can influence sexual desire. So, before sliding directly into confusion or despair, get yourself checked out. If there is no apparent source, you’ll want to commit as a couple to healthy communication.

Topics pertaining to sex tend to be viewed as awkward and uncomfortable. As a result, a couple can end up leaving so much unsaid. What is really needed, however, is respectful, face-to-face communication. No one is saying it’s easy, but without it, you leave yourselves vulnerable to silent shame, guilt, and resentment.

Remember, sex takes an infinite number of forms. Consider ways to reimagine intimacy with each other. These days, it can be very meaningful to simply turn off your phones and be present with each other. From there, a few possibilities:

• Give authentic compliments to each other

• Hug, cuddle, hold hands, and make eye contact

• Love notes

• Plan romantic dates and, if possible, vacations, too

• Work out together

• Develop new hobbies and creative ventures as a couple

• Take showers together without feeling that it must lead to sex

• Partake in a spiritual practice together

• Bring sex out of the dark bedroom and talk about it openly

A Few More Ideas to Consider:

• Resist the urge to blame

• Practice empathy and see the world through your partner’s eyes

• Make a sex schedule to make sure you’re not letting life get in the way

• Seek quality when being intimate, as opposed to the unhealthy expectations created by pop culture, porn, and social media

Couples Therapy Is a Proven Option

A loss of sexual desire is far more common than you might imagine. It’s just that few people will talk about it. Break the pattern by looking into couples counseling. I invite you to reach out to learn more about how therapy can help you navigate through this time and assist with moving forward.

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